Mindfulness is a beautiful thing. It makes us more present, more aware (and often more appreciative) of things around us, gives us more focus, and provides more space in our minds and our lungs.
When we put mindfulness in relation to happiness, the key is in bringing it into all the different aspects of our everyday life – in the way we relate to food, in everyday showers, in our walks and the connection with our surrounding, in our conversations and relationships…. and in the bedroom – making all these aspects of life more pleasurable, but also more meaningful.
How do you bring mindfulness into the bedroom, you might be wondering?
There are two aspects of being more mindful when it comes down to sex: one relates to the body sensations, the other to mindfulness in connecting with others.
Being mindful with senses
If the senses and sensations aspect is the one you wish to explore deeper, then working with mindfulness in terms of senses in other areas of your life is a great way to train your brain and senses.
For example, you might want to explore mindful eating, mindful shower, mindful walk, mindful conscious touch (you could try this out simply by caressing your own arm very slowly and gently and noticing how it feels) …
The following short meditation might be a simple place to start.
Meditation to explore the sense of touch
At any point in your day take just a minute to fully, consciously focus on one of your senses.
You could explore the sense of touch by touching a plant or a rock or even your mug or desk or petting an animal – taking the mindset of the beginner and curiosity, pretending that you never before experienced this sensation, asking yourself questions such as “How does this sensation feel? What is this object like – hard or soft, what is its texture, is it warm or cold? What can I notice about it that I never noticed before?”. No need to overthink and ask too many questions – what you are aiming for is just a conscious, focused and curious mind that is exploring the sense of touch in a present and deep way.
You could do the same with any other sense – for example, explore the world around you with observing it visually as if you are seeing it for the first time.
The key is to focus on one sense at a time and to make it short and sweet, not force your mind into anything, but take this as a practice of gentle exploration of a new perspective and a new experience.
Tip: this is a great one to explore in the shower!
Do you wish to work on mindfulness out of the bedroom and strengthen your “muscle of mindfulness”? Explore more ideas for quick and effective ways to strengthen mindfulness in Happiness Academy article on One minute mindfulness practices.
If the connection part is the one you wish to develop deeper, you might try practicing more mindfulness in your conversations and short everyday contact with people.
This beautiful meditation is a great way to strengthen your close connections.
Meditation for a deeper connection
This short meditation starts with standing or sitting across from each other, facing the other person, at a armlength distance.
The first step is to establish eye contact.
The second step is to connect by putting a hand on the other person’s heart, while keeping the eye contact. Try to feel their heart beat and the rhythm of the breath but don’t obsess about it – keeping presence in the eye contact is more important.
The third step is to synchronize your breathing – you breathe out at the same time, and breathe in at the same time (hand on the heart will help you feel the chest rising). Don’t rush into this synchronization – give yourself time through several breaths. Once you are tuned in, keep the connection for a minute or for as long as you feel comfortable.
This is a beautiful meditation to start your evening with – regardless if it will be an evening of deep conversation or a spicy evening in the bedroom. 😉
It is a wonderful exercise to do with a close friend as well – it doesn’t necessarily need to be in a romantic context.
Mindfulness with senses, as well as with the connections, is all about being present, really.
Any of these ideas is a great way to bring more mindfulness into your sex life and to be more present through small changes:
• slowing down – allowing yourself more time to savour sensations
• feeling your body and all of its sensations more consciously by focusing on specific sensations, one at a time
• being gentle, kind and loving towards yourself and the other person – letting go of judgements and expectations
• noticing emotions in your body, as well as cravings and desires
• focusing on your senses: sight, smells, sounds, and especially touch
• breathing more deeply – enriching your body with oxygen, but also relaxing your brain and allowing it to slow down
• focusing mindfully on the other person and your connection to them – through eye contact, conscious touch, and through your intention to be fully present and connected
Remember: there are two keys to harnessing the power of mindfulness for great sex!
1. train your brain for more mindfulness even when not “in action”
2. just be present in the experience
The ball is in your court 🙂
How about you? How are you applying mindfulness to your connection with others – that being the physical side or the mental and emotional side?
Looking for more ideas for easy, quick, and simple mindfulness exercises?
Download the “Mindfulness Made Easy” free ebook